Say What You Mean

Many years ago when I was fresh out of college, I worked for a large bank. I was part of a large cohort of recent graduates, all starting at once, and they put us through a series of introductory seminars.

One of those sessions was a warning to steer clear of insider trading.  This could have been an opportunity to learn about the pitfalls and slippery slopes that tripped up prior offenders.  Unfortunately the presenter was so vague and indirect that it was hard to tell what exactly they wanted us to do and not do.  I heard a lot of phrases like "use your best judgment" and "don't make a decision you'll regret" but it was unclear exactly what behavior counted as insider trading, what didn't, and what kind of decisions I might regret later.  I suspect I wasn't the only one with these questions.  But as new hires we were all eager to give the impression that we knew what was going on, so no hands went up.

It reminded me of the sex-education classes I attended in fifth and eight grades, where the teachers danced around the content with imprecise language, metaphors and innuendos.  In my head I was thinking, just say it in English, will you?   Of course no student wanted to appear uninformed in that setting either, so again there were no questions.  And I walked away thinking "this stuff must be serious because even the adults are nervous to talk about it".

When the topic is uncomfortable, or there's pride and status on the line, it becomes even more important to speak clearly and say what you mean, with concrete examples.  Otherwise there's a high chance that at least one person will be confused, and a low chance they will tell you. 

So the next time you're delivering a performance review to someone who's not meeting expectations, or explaining what's ok and not ok to your teenager, be wary of speaking in broad generalities.  Consider using the opportunity to be twice as clear as you usually are.  You'll be less likely to create confusion and more likely to generate appreciation and trust.