Honest with Ourselves

One day I was at the park, and I overheard a few middle-aged parents telling their kids "oh no, we can't get down there and play with you because then we couldn't get back up!  We're too old."

It's a playful remark.  There's also an important lesson.

Their comment implies that getting old means lots of physical limitations.

Certainly our bodies atrophy over time, and there are many factors that determine what each person can do physically.  But the broad generalization that "getting older means you won't be able to move" isn't true.  I know many people who have used stretching, exercise or simple physical activity to keep their bodies limber and able into their 70s, 80s and beyond.

The point is not to have anyone feel good or bad about their body.  The point is that we have a tendency to choose explanations that let us tell a convenient story about ourselves, one that is consistent with our perceived identity. 

• If we identify as "healthy" but can't do an activity we like, then we may have some resistance to accepting an explanation like "I haven't taken good care of myself". 
• If we identify as "smart" but a new product launch doesn't work out, then choosing an explanation like "I misunderstood our customers" might be unpleasant. 
• If we identify as a loving parent, but we lash out sharply in the moment, we may look for something outside ourselves to blame.

The problem is this, when we mis-attribute the results, we lose out on the opportunity to make it better.  Blaming old age is convenient because it's something we can't change (not my fault!). 

A more useful approach would be to acknowledge "I can't get down there and play with you because I'm not flexible enough".  This is constructive because it describes the situation factually without assigning blame.  By seeing the situation accurately, then we can make a decision: do I want to become more flexible so I can move better?  if yes what would that require? or, am I ok with how things are?  Both are perfectly fine.

When we learn to see the situation clearly and neutrally instead of jumping to convenient conclusions about cause and effect, we have more choices to improve our situation.