Ask Assertively

Last month, I visited my brother and his family in North Carolina. One morning, I walked into the kitchen. While my brother prepared breakfast, nearby his dog Skye was licking a spot on the floor.  My brother was unphased, but I was a little grossed out.  

I said "Rob, do you want me to wipe up the floor?".  Rob cocked his head and gave me a look.  “No, I'm fine.  Do you want to wipe up the floor?”

We laughed.  Look at how passive my question was!  Instead of being assertive and expressing what I wanted, I’d asked my brother what he wanted, hoping he would confirm my preference.

Pay attention to the language you use.  Do you sometimes ask a roundabout question, hoping to get a particular answer without taking a stance yourself?

• “Would you like to add that to Tuesday’s agenda?”
• “Do you want get sushi for dinner?”
• “Do you want to lead this meeting next month?”

Nothing wrong with asking. But why not own the request, and making your intention clear?

• “I recommend we include the Q1 budget on Tuesday’s agenda, do you agree?”
• “I’d like to eat sushi for dinner, would that work for you?”
• “I think it will set a great example if you lead this meeting next month.   Are you up for it?”

You might get the results you really want more quickly and more consistently.